Bleach Spray

A Note to the Concerned Reader:  After perusing this post, you may wonder if I am in my right mind, if my mental faculties are together, or if I am fit to be looking after small children all day.  Of course, I am completely sane and in control of my mental capacities.  As for looking after children all day...well, a little bit of hilarity comes along with the territory, does it not?

We are having quite a time at the Chew household as of late.  Claude and I think it may just be a stage, but we are facing some pretty horrendous (to use one of Joshua's new favorite words) attitudes and behaviors.  It's exhausting.  The other day I had a thought to pay myself a dollar each time I gave a specific correction to the kids.  I would be able to buy myself and Claude some plane tickets to a nice quiet beach side resort in a matter of days at this rate.

And might I add that we should get paid double for corrections that are required between the hours of 12am and 6am?  Apparently tantrums never sleep.

Add to an unusual set of disciplinary breeches the very usual demands of a house full of small children - for example, Jeremiah just sat on Rachel's head...for fun, Abby and Joshua are hitting each other with library books, and my toe is being sucked on by a teething baby.  Put it all together and you've got a ticket to the looney bin.

So, this morning, as I checked to see if Rachel was ready to come out of her high chair, and as I found a very substantial diaper leakage (the worst, smelliest kind of refuse, I might add) in her seat, and as she proceeded to discover the sight, feel, smell, and taste of said diaper leakage, my brain short-circuited and I entered a state of delirium from which the following ode was birthed:

Bleach spray you make my house clean
You make everything sanitary, bleach spray

Bleach spray, you are amazing
There ain’t no mess you can’t clean
Come on and disinfect, you are amazing

Bleach spray you make my house clean
You make everything sanitary, bleach spray

Bleach spray, you are amazing
You wipe out the biggest blowouts
So come on and disinfect, you are amazing

Bleach spray you make my house clean
You make everything sanitary, bleach spray
Come on , Come on bleach spray
Clean it, Clean it bleach spray

I know, I know...bleach is not very en vogue right now.  But when it comes to a battle with diarrhea, I am not messing around with vinegar.  I'm going for the big guns.  What else can handle the blue marker on the white bath mat, the throw up under the kitchen table, and the great diaper leak of 2014 in the high chair seat?

Bleach, my friends.  It makes everything sanitary.

Disclaimer: This post is not sponsored by Clorox or any other such company.  I was not compensated in any way shape or form for writing this post.  No one sent me a free bottle of bleach spray.  All opinions, however, are 100% my own.

Updated to Add: I took the bleached down high chair outside to rinse it and subject it to the bright sun for drying, and what scurried out of the coiled hose but a LIZARD!  Can somebody send me back to bed, please???