Friday Funnies: Joshua's Grocery List

We found the following list on our kitchen counter.

Grocery List

Medical Store, Car Shop, Academy, H.E.B.

Gun, 1

Knifes, 18

Tape, 2

Glue, 8

Tools, 10,080

Scissors, 4

Candy, 3-4 packs

Phone, 1

Fax Machine, 1

Printer, 1

Computer, 1

Traps, 185

RV, 1

First-Aid Kit, 2

Potty Training

This guy has been Abby's potty training shadow for a few weeks now.  We've had little success with the girls' potty training.  Okay...so it is successful but it's painful.  And slow.  And I feel like a complete mothering failure as a result.  Kind of...

Anyway, our main success with potty training was with Joshua and that happened through something called infant potty training.  You can look it up, find a million websites and forums about it, and then feel like you're behind on the potty business when you're 5 month old still needs a diaper change.

This, however, did work for Joshua as an older baby and by the time he was 1 year old we almost never changed a poopy diaper.  Once he was 2 years old he was already completely dry during the days.  Of course, this was due in large part to two parents who sat him on the potty at regular times during the day.  But he was dry and we haven't had day time issues since.

The girls...not so much success.

They are humbling me.  And God is helping me to learn patience and self-control as I work with them.

So, back to Jeremiah.  He has been enjoying sitting on the little red potty once a day while Abby uses the big toilet.  She goes many times, but he has this one potty practice time.  When he hears the timer and I make the announcement that we're going to the potty he does a little dance and then runs to the bathroom, sits down, and enjoys a little video.  Sometimes this or this or another "school" one like this.  But the first one was this, which is a classic.  It does have a lot of inappropriate English subtitles out there, so be careful if you're checking out the related videos.  It is a bit strange but has sparked a lot of interest from the Abster and that is exactly what I was going for!

As a result of this fun practice, Jer is becoming very aware of his bodily functions.  He tells me when he needs a diaper change, brings me the necessary supplies, and even likes to apply aquaphor (our diaper cream of choice) on his pajamas.

Last night after his bath, Jeremiah was wandering around naked.  He came to get my attention and started pointing to himself.  He was obviously concerned and/or perplexed about something which I became aware of when he grunted and showed me the floor.

Where he had just peed.  It is not the first time this has happened, and certainly not the last. This part is not what made me laugh.

The thing that cracked me up was how Jeremiah handled the situation.

What does a toddler do when he finds he has peed on the carpet?

He grabs his brothers shirt to clean it up.  And clean it up he did!

Friday Funnies: Bugs and Things

We saw this big guy on our back window this week.  He caused quite the excitement among the Crew.  Long after a photo op and some speculation as to what type of bug this was, the kids were still standing at the window watching him.

And, of course, they were reporting all that they saw.  This, of course, wasn't much since the bug was just sitting on the glass occasionally moving a leg or two but not really going anywhere.

After I left the room, though, I heard Joshua call out.

"The bug is depositing some waste on the window!"

The girls were just as excited as Joshua was.

Jeremiah let out a happy shriek.

Apparently a bug going potty on the window is fascinating when you're young and in love with nature documentaries.

Friday Funnies: Honeymoons

I'm not sure what brings things to the minds of our children.  It is a bit perplexing at times to figure out how certain topics and questions come about.  Today at lunch we had such a question that left me wondering, "Where did that come from?"

Hannah: A honeymoon is like a big party.
Claude: Not really, Hannah.
Joshua: Yeah, it's like a date.

Well...at least that's more along the right lines.  :)

This could be considered our "second honeymoon".  Celebrating our first anniversary in the Grampians was pretty nice...except for the terrible cold I had.  Oh, well...we had a good time anyway.

 

Friday Funnies: Comparisons, Compliments, and More

Here are a very few of the funny things I heard this week.

Joshua to Claude: Wow, your teeth look like Russian rocket boosters!

Hannah, speaking about her hair: My hair flows down like Angel Falls.

Joshua to me while I was cooking dinner: You're such a great chef.  You could work at Chick-fil-A!

Joshua, speaking about a fuzzy green pencil: Give that mammalian pencil to me!

At the doctor's office...

Hannah: What is nasal spray?

Joshua: Hannah, that's when they spray something into your nasal cavity and then it travels down to your lungs.

Doctor, looking a bit surprised: Yes, that's basically what happens.

Doctor, speaking to me: Does Hannah recognize shapes? Colors? Maybe some short words?

Hannah: I can read my Bible.  It doesn't have any pictures in it, just lots of little words.

Doctor, again speaking to me: She reads books without pictures?

Me: Yes, she does.

Doctor: I suppose you're not concerned about her academics then?

Joshua and his friend had a little exchange between open van doors...strapped in their booster seats.

Friend: Hey, Joshua, what book are you reading?

Joshua, barely taking his nose out of his book: This.

Friend: What is it?

Joshua: It's a book about ancient Persian warfare.

Friend: That's cool!

These kids are 8 and 6 years old...weird, unsocialized homeschoolers I guess!

What funny things have you heard this week?

Friday Funnies: Mind Reading

Claude is constantly saying that he wishes I could read his mind.  But no matter how long we're married and how well we know each other, I'm pretty sure that I will never be able to do so.  Our kids, on the other hand, are always proving to be a bit more advanced that we are.  And in the case of reading minds, they seem to have abilities that we do not.

Joshua: Hey, Daddy, I'm reading your mind!

Hannah: Well, I'm reading my mind.

Mom: Really, what are you thinking about?

Hannah: Ummm...I don't know.

Abby (who thought I was asking her): Squirrel!

And no, Abby has never seen the movie "Up".  She thought of that all on her own.  :)

What amazing skills and abilities do your kiddos possess?

Friday Funnies: Spantastic!

I'm standing here listening to an almost 3-year-old say, "That's spantastic, Mommy!"

Any guesses as to what is so amazing that it requires a new word to be added to the English language?

Ramen noodles.  Yep.  I'm winning mother of the year award over here feeding the youngest of the Crew members ramen and frozen corn for dinner.  At least they like it!  :)

What compliments have you received this week?

 

Friday Funnies: How (Not) to Get a Girl

 

He's smart.  He's handsome.  He has a great work ethic.  He is intensely interested in wild cats and world history.  He enjoys wrestling and sword fighting among other combative sports.  When he grows up, he hopes to be a construction worker.

And apparently he's trying to impress the girls.  Or maybe it's just happening without any special effort???

In any case...here's how a 6-year-old boy goes about such a task.

Joshua: "I'm so impressive to the girls.  I spray fire at them from my nose!"

Well, that's one way to go about it...


What made you laugh this week?

 

Friday Funnies: Baby Showers

The ladies at our church gave me a baby shower last night.  It was a real blessing, especially since I would never expect to have one for a fifth little one.  But like one of the women mentioned, sometimes you need them more with those later kiddos...somehow the hand-me-downs just don't last forever!

So, this evening our conversation revolved around the baby shower.  The kids don't know what a shower is, unless we're talking about getting clean.  Their funny ideas about it reminded me of what I thought of a baby shower when I was a child.

I remember being disappointed when I attended my first one.  First off, I expected the baby to actually be there.  He wasn't.  Then I thought for sure everything would be white and lacy.  It wasn't.  Finally, I had this idea that everyone would take turns having a shower with the baby.  We didn't.  On that point I was a little relieved.  I didn't quite understand why you would want a bunch of different people showering with your infant.

Anyway...back to the present...

While Hannah asked me some questions about the baby shower, Abby piped up with this gem.

"Um, excuse me, Mommy!  Did you take your clothes off for the baby shower?"

My thoughts were something like this...I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT!!!


So, what got you laughing this week?

Friday Funnies: Birth Stories

Birth stories.  They are amazing.  They are unique.  And they can all too often turn into a horror-story fest if we're not careful about how we share our experiences.

"I was in labor for 24 hours!"

"That's nothing.  I was in labor for two weeks!"

Or...

"I pushed for 2 hours!"

"Well, I pushed for 4 hours and my son's head was still stuck even after the vacuum extractor.  In the end they had to take him C-Section and I had to heal from BOTH!"

Well, I always thought this was something that we just kind of learned from other women.  But apparently not.  At least I'm pretty sure Hannah (4 years old) and Abby (2 years old) haven't been in any birth-story-telling circles recently.  And yet they've got the oneupmanship (that is a word, isn't it???) mastered as demonstrated from the beginning of what went on to become an epic birth story.

Hannah: Quick, the baby's about to come out!

Abby: Just a minute.  Let me go get her! [Abby runs to the bedroom and comes back with a pink teddy bear.]  Okay.  She's ready.

H: But now I'm motion sick.

A: Me too.

H: Well, I'm motion sick AND I'm about to have a baby.

What made you laugh this week?

 

Friday Funnies: Taxes

Joshua just came into the living room to inform me that I owe a palace tax.

"This," he said as he showed me a very colorful piece of paper, "Is a $4,000 bill.  And you have to pay me one of these."

"Wow..." I stammered. "Can I use that one to pay you?"

"No, you cannot," he replied firmly.  "You have to pay your own to me."

"What do you need the money for?"

"It's for all the work I do around this palace.  It's a tax."  He was resolute.

"Well, I don't have that kind of money.  I'll have to work a long time to earn that much."

"Okay," he said thoughtfully.  "Then maybe you can just work for me for 600 days.  Then you can earn the $4,000 bill."

"And I have to pay it back to you?"  I inquired.

"Yes."

And I've been told that Claude and I expect a lot from the kids!  Try living in Joshua's "palace" for a while...but if you do, be sure to come with lots of money or a really good work ethic.

Friday Funnies: Bugs and Beans

Hannah came running out of the bathroom today.  She was quite distressed and it didn't take long to find out why.

"MOMMY!!!  There's a bug in the shower!" she screamed.  She was thoroughly grossed out and showed it by her extremely dramatic reaction.

"I'm sure it's fine, Hannah.  Just get in the shower."  After fighting to get her there in the first place I wasn't about to lose the shower battle over a bug.

I did, however, decide to evaluate the situation.  As I opened the shower curtain and surveyed the bottom of the tub I saw what had caught her eye and caused such a fuss.

"Hannah, that's a piece of green bean from Jeremiah's bath last night."

"Oh" was all she said before stepping into the shower, as cheerful as ever.

Hannah, shrieking and flipping out seconds before was now calm, cool, and collected.  Seeing things for what they really are makes a world of difference, doesn't it?

The incident did make me wonder...what's more gross (or should that be "grosser"???) to find in the shower, a bug or green bean?

Friday Funnies: Wrong Side of the Bed

ah...pretty much.

We had a grump among us this morning.  This individual will remain nameless, but I'm glad to say that he/she was able to go back to bed (a few times) in order to restart the day.  Eventually it all worked out and he/she found the right side of the bed and the rest of the day has been smooth sailing.  :)

But even with a good outcome, the start of the morning obviously made an impact on all of the kids, grumps and non-grumps alike, as they expressed in this little lunchtime conversation.

Joshua: I was a big, hungry bear when I woke up this morning.
Abby: I was a big and hungry frog!
Joshua: Well, I was a big, hungry wolf!
Hannah: I was a hungry bear and a wolf this morning!

Mom agrees.

Friday Funnies: The Things They Said

I ran across another photo of our dry erase board.  I know, who takes pictures of their dry erase board?  Apparently I do!  :)  And here are some snippets of what was written on the dry erase board, ca. Jan./Feb. 2011.

From Hannah
"Jesus speaks Spanish!"

"Shine and gracious to you, Abigail."

"I'm going to use the big potty.  Do not forbid me."

To Daddy: "I'm Married and your Joseph."


From Joshua
"Daddy, I don't think Abigail is going to smile at the appropriate time in the car."

"It's a big and fancy poop!"

"Spices are spicy!"

"Reading" his Bible to Hannah: "So, Moses ran away from Pharaoh and he went to a place called Gideon."

J: "Mommy, does Abigail crawl or walk?"
M: "Have you seen her crawl or walk?"
J: "Yeah.  She crawls like a worm."


 What funny things have your kids said recently?

Friday Funnies: The Trinity According to a Toddler

I had the opportunity to put the Abster to bed on her own tonight - just the two of us.  Usually we have family Bible time and I say goodnight to each child in turn before they head off to bed.  Claude spends some time talking with them individually on their beds, but tonight Abby needed to go to bed before the older kids so I had the chance hang out and chat more than usual.

Spending time with Abigail is always a joy and is usually entertaining.  Tonight I got to hear her perspective on a very big issue: The Trinity.  Here's the conversation that we had.

Abby: There are two Gods.  The God "God" and the God "Jesus".
Me: There is actually a third as well: The Holy Spirit.
A: [Stares blankly]
M: There is God the Father, God the Son - Jesus - and God the Holy Spirit.  Three Gods in One.  Three parts of the One True God.  We call it the Trinity.
A:  The Holy Spirit is my favorite one.
M: Did you know that if you are friends with Jesus then the Holy Spirit lives inside of you?
A: But how do you know that?
M: Well, I know because when I asked Jesus to save me from my sins and to come into my heart, the Holy Spirit came to live inside of me.  He helps me to follow Jesus and obey God's commands.
A: But he'll squish the new baby!  There's no room!  How does he fit???
M: I'm not sure how it works, exactly.
A: Well, our bodies can hold a lot of things!
 

Friday Funnies: Oldies but Goodies

I ran across the following quotes recently.  Somehow, in the midst of chasing down two toddlers and nursing an infant, I managed to jot down some of the funny things Joshua and Hannah were saying a couple of years ago.  It was at a very stressful, demanding, and often lonely time in our family life.  But when there are a few very curious, very creative littles around there is never a lack for entertainment or the reason for a good laugh.  :)

From Hannah, March 2011, 2 1/2  years old:

"I'm too afraid of this exercising now."
I must have been traumatizing the kids with Leslie Sansone again.  But that definitely beats the Richard Simmons videos I was exposed to as a child.  *Shudders*

"I'm getting holy wheat flour."

"Please don't work in here [the bathroom].  It's just my special office."

"That crayon reminds us to be repentant."
They must have been in on one too many Bible lessons...

"Where is my frankincense?"
Cause we all know how easy it is to misplace the frankincense.

"I got matzo-roni and cheese!"
I don't think that really works...matzo with dairy?

"Do you know goldfish can weep?  They're weeping!"
Poor little crackers!  They must know the end is near.


From Joshua, March 2011, 3 1/2 years old:

"I'm not pleased with Abigail's attitude.  She keeps crying at the middle of the night."
 Age appropriate expectations mean nothing to Joshua.  Perhaps he'll figure out the trick to getting a 5-month-old to stop crying.

"I just want to be friends with Jesus every day.  He goes everywhere that we go: Costco, Target, the library, and PathMark."
From looking at the places we frequented, we didn't have much of a social life back then.  But who needs a social life when we've got the King of Kings accompanying us everywhere we go?
 
A song.  "Jesus.  Jesu-us.  Majesty.  Majesty.  You compute me."
Ummm...kind of???

Friday Funnies: Randomness

I'll admit that this post is a little very random.  The events described here didn't even happen recently.  But as I was preparing dinner I found myself contemplating the various ways others have identified me in the past and figured it could be funny enough for a post.

The beginning of the train of thought was thinking of my new nephews names.  Both are very unique.  Very strong.  I like them (not that it matters what I think of their names).  Then I thought of our kids' names.  Joshua.  Hannah.  Abigail.  Jeremiah.  Very common.  Very Biblical.  Very Hebrew.  I like them.  Then I thought of my own name.  Rebecca.  Also common.  Also Biblical.  Also Hebrew (except for the spelling).  Also liked by me ("Thanks, Mom and Dad!").  And all of this reminded me of an encounter I had a few years ago as I was walking down the streets of Hartsdale, NY with our kiddos (then only numbering two).

Another stay-at-home mom, whom I had met previously, crossed my path.  She was just about to deliver her second child - a boy.  Not knowing more about me and the kids than our names, the building where we lived, and our usual time to walk up and down the street, my neighbor asked me this question, "Do you have a recommendation for someone to perform a Bris?"

I stood there, searching my internal dictionary and vainly trying to make connections in order not to sound as ignorant as I was.  "A bris?" I thought to myself.  "What is a bris?"  Then I made a couple of connections based on the very little information I knew of my neighbor.  I knew her name and her daughter's name, I knew which building she lived in, and I knew what time of day she walked up and down the street.  Did I know anything else about this person?

Think.  Think.  Think.

*Ding!*  I remembered that she mentioned once that she was Jewish.  This "bris" must be some kind of ceremony.  And then I put it all together.  Baby boy due very soon.  Mother looking for a recommendation of who and where to hold a bris.  Covenant between Abraham (you know, Father Abraham with the many sons?) and God to circumcise all males on the eighth day after their birth.  Yes.  I knew what a bris was.  But why was she asking me???

Some more thinking and it hit me.  She thought we were Jewish.  After all, my first name is Hebrew.  Both of our kids' first names are Hebrew.  We lived in an area where it was common to be nominally Jewish (which, by the way, is excellent if you're into bakeries and things).  My neighbor did not know our last name.  She had never met my husband.  Of course, she had no idea that we're about as far from being Jewish as, well, Gentiles.  Pork is like a staple in Asian cuisine, is it not?  But no one ever mistakes our kids for being half Chinese anyway...even though I was thought to be part Asian by a college friend.  Anyway...back to the conversation.

So, after a slight pause, I replied, "No.  I'm sorry.  We didn't have one for Joshua."

To which she replied, having perhaps recognized her error, "Oh...okay."

I didn't think it was worth mentioning that my Chinese-Malaysian-Australian-transplanted-to-the-U.S. husband would probably be Jewish if he could.  (We are grafted in, aren't we?)  Nor did I share with her that my Grandpa Tino, being the good Italian-American grandfather that he was, sometimes called me "Rivkah" for the sheer pleasure of getting me riled up.  (As a kid I didn't know that he was calling me by the true Hebrew form of my name.)  Perhaps those things would only be confusing...and a bit unnecessary for such an encounter.

And so, having established ignorance on both our parts, we each continued on our way in true New York fashion - pretending like the whole thing never happened.  Kind of like how my neighbors who were within 15 feet of my about-to-give-birth-in-less-than-an-hour self casually walked by as if they didn't notice an incredibly pregnant woman, leaning on a rail, groaning through contractions.  "Don't worry, neighbors.  I'm not really about to give birth.  At least I hope it doesn't happen here.  Really, there's no need to stop.  I'm not really alone.  My husband and 15-month-old son are just walking up the steep hill to get our car so that we can go to the hospital where childbirth won't scare people away (except for that poor male nursing student who has no idea that he's about to witness a natural childbirth in less than an hour).  Yes, just keep walking.  It's making me laugh, actually, and that's saying something for someone who is in transition."  I jest.  That morning I was truly thankful for the skill people in our old neighborhood had for pretending like they didn't see or hear you.  I really did want to be left alone.  How awkward would a conversation about a bris have been at that point???  ;)

 Here we are, looking Jewish as only a half-Italian mom and two half-Chinese kids can look. Circa 2009. This would have been around the time of the bris conversation and several months after I learned the best way to avoid an unwanted conversation with neighbors - just look really pregnant and do your best to convince them that you are in very active labor.  They'll probably leave you alone.

Friday Funnies: On Life and Death

As I'm writing this post the kids have marched through the kitchen and living room about 5 times, shouting and yelling.  It seems that they have watched the walls of Jericho come down in the process.  They have also built elaborate guns from math manipulatives, which they have used to wage war on each other.  Thankfully no one was hurt or offended before they moved on to another activity.  And now they are playing a tuba (really it's a kitchen sink...literally...from the toy kitchen), a saxophone (known to most grown ups as a green plastic penny whistle), and a snare drum (an empty container and some screw drivers) while marching around the house.  Yep...just another morning for the Chew Crew.

Anyway...on to the real post.  :)

The kids are really interested in life and death recently. Part of this expresses itself in identifying any and all objects around them and asking the question, "Is that living?" My favorite questions of this sort come from Abby (2 1/2 years old), who is always very serious about the topic. "Mommy, is a straw living?" :)

The other part of this fascination with life and death comes out in conversations that happen at least once a day and almost always sound the same. Initiated by Joshua, this topic has taken on some interesting ideas...

Joshua: Do you know what the worst thing about living is?
Me: No, I don't know.
Joshua: Dying.
Me: Okay, I can see that.
Joshua: And do you know what the best thing about living is?
Hannah: Living.
Joshua: Yes, that's right. And what is the best, best thing about living?
Hannah: Heaven!
Joshua: Yes. You got it right. And what is the best, best, best thing about living?
Hannah, ponders the question.
Joshua, approaches Hannah and whispers in her ear: You have to say either Roman Army or Soldier.
Hannah, very loudly in protest: But I said heaven is the best, best thing about living!
Joshua: But I asked about the best, best, best thing about living.  I'm sorry, you got it wrong.

And one last insight from the 6 and under crew concerning life and death.

Joshua: If you die on the day you are born that means you've been dead your whole life.
Me, being a good mother and wanting to instruct my children in what is true and right: Ummm...okay...I'll just take out the trash now...

Maybe it's just my tired brain, but I couldn't quite get my head around that statement enough to bring greater clarity.  And perhaps he's right???


What interesting ideas do the little guys in your life have about big topics like life and death?

Friday Funnies: Joshua's Rules for Fighting

Joshua's Rules for Fighting

1. Do not cheat.

2. Do not stab.

3. Do not hit.

4. Call 911 in an emergency while fighting.

Also, be sure to dress appropriately.

 

Friday Funnies: Friends and Fall Outs

Yesterday, the kids started talking about their friends from our weekly playgroup back in New York.  There was some fluctuation in attendance, but for the majority of our couple of years in playgroup we saw the same core group of moms and kids each week.  Then, less than a year ago, there was an exodus from the group.  Within a few months two families moved to the Midwest and then we moved to Texas

So, as Joshua was saying, "All of those friends are in New York," I reminded him that, in fact, most of the kids he named have moved away.  The conversation progressed from this point and went something like this:


Joshua: I know they don't live in New York anymore, but they are still in my heart.  [pause] But Jesus is in my heart, too.  He has the biggest place in my heart because He's God.  And there's also Jerusalem and Heaven in my heart - that's where God's throne is!

Abby: Well, Jesus "felled" out of my heart.

Me: How did that happen?

Abby: He just "felled" out.  He did.

Joshua:  If He fell out of your heart then you aren't friends with Him anymore.

Hannah, nodding with approval and nearly taking out her southern drawl to proclaim, "Amen, brother!":  Mmmm-hmmmm!


So, to all of you playgroup families, you are loved and missed!  And for Abby....I think I'll pass on addressing her fall out with Jesus.  I think at 2 1/2 years old she has some ground to cover along those lines.  ;)